“Six months after the birth of their first child, both men and women with larger Partner/Lover pieces have higher self esteem and less parent stress. This could mean that when parents resist the tendency to ignore their relationship as a couple, they feel better about themselves and less stressed as parents. “
This quote was in relation to the ‘pie’ couples drew out expressing which activities they felt themselves the most consumed by. Among the options were parent, worker, lover etc. The study suggests that couples that ignore their relationship and the lover/partner part of themselves, the more tension and parenting stress they must combat. I think it is extremely important continue working on and being an active part of your relationship after you have a child. There is always going to be conflict and differing opinions (especially on child care), but continuing to nourish a healthy spousal relationship can only help you handle those conflicts in a healthier way. Children do not suffer from their parents taking 30 minutes to an hour once or twice a week to reconnect, but I believe they do suffer when parents neglect that responsibility and let their relationship get eaten up by fatigue, tension, and often times, resentment.
I have been guilty of just that. As I was raising my daughters, things became so hectic, sports, homework, taking care of the home, that my marriage took a far backseat to my children's needs. I found the resentment I felt due to my partner's lack of involvement keep building as time went by. What you say about it not hurting the kids for the parents to take time is so right on, in fact, if it doesn't happen many times it turns into a divorce, at least in my case it did. By the time I found the energy to mend fences with my spouse, it was too late, we had drifted too far to come back. Finding time for your partner is a responsibility, like you say, and one that parents should not take lightly. I wish I had known more of these things when I was a young parent.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, It is really hard to find time for our spouse, when we are so busy all the time with work, school ,children, homework, sports, a yard , and a house to maintain. It is important to make time with your spouse, and talk about the relationship, and feelings honestly. I think if you can maintain that best friend relationship you had before kids, your spouse will be more likely to help out more. I think they really don't get it unless it is pointed out to them.
ReplyDeleteI agree completely with this. Not only will the parents feel less stressed if they make a real effort to connect and stay intimate with one another, but their kids will benefit from the direct product of their healthy relationship and example. Kids who see they're parents treat each other in a positive and affectionate manner are likely to grow up to have healthy respectful relationships themselves. It just takes a lot of effort, and that just happens to be the hard part.
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