“They're gun-shy. The slightest conflict sends
them running. Expecting disaster, they create disaster.”
My parents had a rocky marriage from the very beginning. My father
was 20 and my mother ws 17 when they found out she was pregnant with my oldest
brother. They married soon after and did their best to continue on the way they
were taught to be the best. My father worked and my mother stayed home and had
three more children(my two older brothers and myself). A number of challenging
things happen throughout their marriage, but the death of my one of my brothers
caused by SIDS was one of the marriage altering situations. After that, my
parents drifted further and further apart, joined by anger, animosity, and
confusion. As we all grew older, we watched them argue more and enjoy each
other less. When I was twelve they told us they were getting divorced. I can’t
speak to what psychological effects it has had on me, but I can say that the
problems I would have encountered if they stayed unhappily married would have
affected me more. I know that every family goes through their own struggles and
has to handle them their own way- whether that be divorce or sticking it out.
For me and my family, I believe my parents made the right choice and made a
point to work together and keep the children of the situation as informed as
possible.
On the negative side, the above quote from the article very much
rings true for me. I do not enter into relationships very easily, nor do I see
them lasting. This could be due to my personality, their divorce, or countless
other reasons though. I feel that divorce should never be a lightly made
decision- just as marriage should not be.
I was about twelve myself when my parents divorced. I was relieved. My home was filled with tension from morning to night. There was arguing and resentment you could feel every minute. When my folks split, I moved with my father, our home became a place you wanted to be. The time that had been spent in conflict when my folks were together was now spent between my dad and I, talking, cooking and making a life. An unhappy marriage takes a lot of time and energy and leaves little to feed a kids happiness. I'm not much of an introspective person, but I do think if my folks had stayed together my life would have been far worse.
ReplyDeleteI am on my third marriage. My first husband and I were high school sweethearts. I ended up getting pregnant @ 19, and like your parents we decided the right thing to do was get married. Had we both been older we may have never even stayed together in high school. We physically fought even back then. It continued for the whole marriage. I finally left after having two kids, realizing that this is not the way it is suppose to be. I remarried after 5 years. Once again I entered into an unhealthy marriage knowing he had a serious drinking problem. I tried to make it work for 12 years, but in the end it was not going to work. It ended in divorce when I was in my late 30s. I decided being married was not something I wanted to do again, but I am happy to say that my current husband and I have been together for 5 years, and married 2 years. I have to tell you when I first met my current husband I was very gun shy, and everything seemed to work to well. I guess my point is I had never been treated the way I am today by anyone. I grew up watching fighting, yelling and chaos, and I thought thats the way it is suppose to be.. but it is not. I honestly believe I may have finally got it right this time.. Another point I want to make is I don't think it matters how much time and thought you put into marriage or divorce, I think it can go either way depending on what you think is "normal", and its hard to accept that you deserve to be happy, when you don't know what that feels like.
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